Day 5

Well I am meeting my friends today, so I have done my workout this morning.

Yay I am finally not completely flailing about sweating while doing it (ok maybe I am but not nearly as much) I am slightly starting to enjoy it and slowly but surely I am seeing subtle differences in my body and also my attitude. 

I felt a lot better today about everything. I am a very impatient person and due to this I want everything to be OK today. Well I just need to wait and see. See how my relationship goes, see how my next weeks free pan out, how the 30 day shred goes and how my body changes. I mean yeah I know I have to make some effort! Stop the negative thoughts in there tracks, control my eating, trust my boyfriend as I have never had any reason not too? Trust that I can keep the workouts up 🙂

So I am off for a bit of shopping with my best friend 🙂

I hope everyone else has a good day.

Hope and faith

Okay for the record I am not a great believer in religion. I am an agnostic through and through.

But hope and faith. They are something I am coming to realise as powerful tools in peoples life. Not in a religious way but in uplifting the human spirit.

My main problem I truly believe is control. I panic at the fact that I cannot control every aspect of my life. It upsets me and concerns me deeply. I know I am not the only one out there.

I have almost been unemployed now for 4 weeks and I only have just over 3 weeks to go until University, you would think I would be happy but no. I am overjoyed to be starting Uni but the rest of my life. Well I feel it is out of control.

I am trying to keep it under raps piece by piece. But I hate the fact that their are certain things I cannot control, like friends who I know are not true friends who don’t feel the need to even ask how I am once and a while even though i try and contact them, money just not being enough, my obsession with my electronics since I have been unemployed (TV, facebook, ebay and many more), my relationship and not know where we stand not knowing if he truly loves me as much as he used too and wondering if the girl at his work who he mentions every so often is taking up his thoughts? Wondering if she is better than me? Wondering if I am good enough? Even though he tells me he loves me and he is with me, my weight, my health, my constant feeling of fulfillment.

But then I got up this morning and thought to myself. Sarah you can control aspects of your life. You cannot control people or environment but you can control you.

I hope one day to not care what people think. I know that I am taking steps in my life to improve my health, weight and self esteem. I hope I can control my negative thoughts regarding myself and the jealousy I have. I know I will try everyday.

Last of all I have faith, I have faith that my true friends will be with me my whole life. I have faith that if my boyfriend wants to be with me, he will. And most of all I have blinding faith that no matter what happens good and possibly bad. I will be ok. I will survive and I will be happy. It may not be now but soon.

I can feel it 🙂

I love my blog. I do it for me. But I truly hope that I can help other people. Even if it is through just sharing what I am feeling. I believe good things happen to good people ( not always but sometimes) and I have had a lot of good things happen in my life so surely  that should show me I am a good person, and very lucky.

And maybe that is all that truly counts.

 

Day 2!

I definitely have not felt as positive today booooooo!

But tomorrow is another day and I must admit I am trying to change my negative thoughts and feelings of doubt and change them to positive. You will surprised how hard this is 😦 

My second day of the 30 day shred is definitely helping me with my positive thoughts, I cannot say I am enjoying it yet but I will 🙂 I have always loved the feeling of being healthy and fit and I have lost that for a very long time now.

I will get it back!

Exercise gives me focus and meaning and tends to make me want to open up to my other hobbies that I love 🙂

Bring on tomorrow’s workout session!

 

Hello Monday, hello weight, hello lost control

Where do I start?

I am in a rut. Completely and totally stuck. My fast days are amazing I like them now. My problem is the other days. I am eating way more that I ever used too. It is scaring me. Discouraging me from carrying on this diet. My weight is the same but I do not like this me. The one who eats way too much all at once. And always the bad foods I feel so out of control.

I am going to really really focus on my eating I will try my very hardest. I know it will be a struggle and I need to stop being lazy about this. My head is in the wrong place and I need to get it back in the right place. It is going to be a long process, I can feel it.

Please wish me luck I am going to need it. More than ever. 

I have almost finished day 2 of fasting! Go me!

Okays where do I start?

So as I have mentioned before I have decided to go on the 5:2 diet. I don’t know if it works or if the health benefits in the long run will be amazing or not but you know what? You won’t know until you try!

So I started Monday my first fast day and as it was bank holiday I didn’t have to worry about work 🙂 I got up early and decided to do some yoga then I had a small meal within my calorie range and then that was it! I decided that I would try and go as long as I thought possible for me for that day, so I put a target of 12 hours. I didn’t even have to stay in bed all day which surprised me I went to town, came home and just got on with my day 🙂 Do not get me wrong it wasn’t a walk in the park but I survived until 7pm (which was when the 12 hours where up) I was so proud. Yes I was hungry and my stomach hated me but I didn’t feel like I was dying 🙂

I must say though the next morning I felt a bit odd/queezy. But I guess that is to be expected  I mean it is the first time I have gone that long without food for ages! I think i ate normally, don’t over eat that I was aware of, but to be honest I am not really calorie counting on other days as I have never had trouble with meals and things. I mean sometimes I eat a whole big choc bar or a bag of crisps but it’s not everyday!

I decided to do my second fast today and I must admit it was ALOT harder. I had my breakfast at 7am then off to work I went (please bare in mind I walk part my way to work 25 mins there and then back at the end of the day). I had alot of concerned colleague convinced I have gone mad! But I held back I didn’t let them tempt me to eat. I did feel very weak towards the end of my working day so I did have an apple *sigh* but I guess we live and learn? I think during my working week a piece of fruit or veg is going to be needed to keep me going.

So now I have had my dinner and I am writing this. I feel fine to be honest right now. I am hoping it all get’s a tad easier but we will have to see. It is early days yet!

I do love knowing how long I can actually go without food. It surprises me every time. I am alot stronger than I thought.

So I can eat normal now until next week. Lets see where the fast takes me then……